today i figured out that the shape of a keebler club cracker is not a perfect scale down version of the dimensions of my laptop screen. riveting.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck. fuck fuck. fuck.
what the fuck.
i have also watched the rotten tomatoes show season 1 from episode 1 to episode 25.
I have had an interesting past 24 hours.
Things I have learned:
1) Hollywood is stupid beyond belief.
2) I used to be the kind of person who hated spending time on useless things, and now I feel perfectly comfortable disengaging my brain without any immediate plans to plug it back in.
3) I wish I could go back to India and confront the vice-principal of my former school (teen angst flashback)
4) It felt oddly cathartic to let the deadline for an internship application pass without applying for it. I spent the exact moment of the deadline talking on the phone with my mum.
5) Something smells in my room.
6) I wondered if they will give me Rajagopal sir's job as economics teacher at my old school, and made an elaborate lesson plan in my head.
7) I have a lot of work to do that I want to do in theory, but fail to do in practice.
And finally, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck fuck.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Running away from myself
I think the hardest part of living by myself is that at every moment I only have myself for company. Most of the time I view myself harshly. My grand plans for being altruistic seem naive and I feel like a caricature of myself. I am confronted with my weaknesses, insecurities and laziness.
Amidst all this, I still feel unable to describe myself. There it is, right on my facebook page, a box saying, Write something about yourself. I can't think of a single sentence that describes who I am. I don't know who I am.
Amidst all this, I still feel unable to describe myself. There it is, right on my facebook page, a box saying, Write something about yourself. I can't think of a single sentence that describes who I am. I don't know who I am.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Me and My NYT
One of the most rewarding things I got out of temp-ing this summer at a concession stand at the Indianapolis Tennis Championships is a stress ball they were giving out at a promotional stand.
It is a yellow, tennis-ball-shaped ball with the New York Times (NYT) banner on it. It has a visible seam line going around it. The seam makes it look cheap which, it probably is. But it is one of my most prized possessions now.
My little NYT stress ball gave to me over the course of this summer what Tom Hanks got out of 'Wilson' in Cast Away. It was my companion when I had nothing to occupy my mind, and the silence was broken by its recurring twin thud off the wall and my palm. When my mind was too preoccupied, it gave me something mechanical to do to clear my head.
It got me off my chair every time it embarked on a crazy trajectory across my room- bouncing off bookshelves, getting diverted by the edges of walls, and landing with an anticlimactic, subservient silence on top of dirty laundry. Tired from a particularly fast-paced and hard-hitting volley, it slipped my grasp and punched me right in the eye.
I went through a transition this summer, something that will recur at later points in my life. I think I grew up a little more, dealt with a few more demons, and dared to confront adulthood ever so slowly. My focus shifted from ambitions to people, from being carefree to being responsible, and from the world to my self.
Finally, as a blow to my perception of Cool, I confirmed the cliche that, like my NYT, the best things in life are free.
It is a yellow, tennis-ball-shaped ball with the New York Times (NYT) banner on it. It has a visible seam line going around it. The seam makes it look cheap which, it probably is. But it is one of my most prized possessions now.
My little NYT stress ball gave to me over the course of this summer what Tom Hanks got out of 'Wilson' in Cast Away. It was my companion when I had nothing to occupy my mind, and the silence was broken by its recurring twin thud off the wall and my palm. When my mind was too preoccupied, it gave me something mechanical to do to clear my head.
It got me off my chair every time it embarked on a crazy trajectory across my room- bouncing off bookshelves, getting diverted by the edges of walls, and landing with an anticlimactic, subservient silence on top of dirty laundry. Tired from a particularly fast-paced and hard-hitting volley, it slipped my grasp and punched me right in the eye.
I went through a transition this summer, something that will recur at later points in my life. I think I grew up a little more, dealt with a few more demons, and dared to confront adulthood ever so slowly. My focus shifted from ambitions to people, from being carefree to being responsible, and from the world to my self.
Finally, as a blow to my perception of Cool, I confirmed the cliche that, like my NYT, the best things in life are free.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
The Day Michael Jackson Died
One of my biggest pet peeves with human nature is the apparent need to link every outsider's tragedy somehow to oneself. "Oh my god, I was putting out the milk bottle when the neighbor got beamed up to an alien spacecraft!" Its never, "Oh my god, the neighbor got beamed up...!"
So, when Michael Jackson died, I was only half-surprised to see the whole world "mourning" for a pop star whose whereabouts people didn't even care to know of for the better part of the last decade.
As with everybody else, I have interesting personal memories of Michael Jackson's music. My favorite is the Friday afternoons when my mum did the ironing, grooving to the Thriller album. Another memory is of when I watched in awe the way people's faces morphed into another person's in the Black or White music video. I pretty much blocked out the weird stuff that happened in his personal life, because, well, it was too scary.
Anyhow, I really couldn't believe that he died. I hope there is some sort of conspiracy theory or myth that comes out of this. That he just disappeared to escape from this crazy world, faking his own death. That would be a cool and happy ending.
So, when Michael Jackson died, I was only half-surprised to see the whole world "mourning" for a pop star whose whereabouts people didn't even care to know of for the better part of the last decade.
As with everybody else, I have interesting personal memories of Michael Jackson's music. My favorite is the Friday afternoons when my mum did the ironing, grooving to the Thriller album. Another memory is of when I watched in awe the way people's faces morphed into another person's in the Black or White music video. I pretty much blocked out the weird stuff that happened in his personal life, because, well, it was too scary.
Anyhow, I really couldn't believe that he died. I hope there is some sort of conspiracy theory or myth that comes out of this. That he just disappeared to escape from this crazy world, faking his own death. That would be a cool and happy ending.
Monday, June 15, 2009
How to score an iPod Touch
Graduating from college has its perks. I no longer fulfill the role of college student in society. Unfortunately, online scammers haven't got the memo yet.
As I wade through offers of $5000 checks from Google for essentially sitting at home and doing work that can be accomplished by a mentally challenged macaque, free iPods for being a mystery shopper, and testing products peddled by hardworking marketing executives, I can't help thinking- "Do these people really think I'm THAT stupid?"
As I wade through offers of $5000 checks from Google for essentially sitting at home and doing work that can be accomplished by a mentally challenged macaque, free iPods for being a mystery shopper, and testing products peddled by hardworking marketing executives, I can't help thinking- "Do these people really think I'm THAT stupid?"
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Having it Backwards
I have a huge term paper to write and I have writer's block. So, I decided to start my doing something brainless- like the reference page.
Now, I have a perfectly formatted list of 23 references. Working backwards, I should do the conclusion, then expected results, method, design, hypotheses, and literature review.
C.R.A.P.- Cannot.Remember.Anything.Problem.
Focus, focus, focus. I have notes, annotations, abstracts.
Watched Bridget's Jones Diary for a full hour and a half. Very funny.
Took a break from taking a break and made coffee. Hmm, maybe some cereal too, and leftovers from lunch.
Oh my god, I am too full to think straight. My pants are uncomfortable tight. Disturbing.
Weight, 128 lbs. Alcohol units, 0. Caffeine units, 2. Dread level, 100%.
Getting it together. Getting it together. I am the intellectual equivalent of everyone else in this room. My poster of Jim Morrison is not reassuring.
Got into a much more comfortable position. Legs stretched, back straight, hands free to type. Excellent.
S.H.I.T.- Seriously.Hitting.Idiocy.Target
Why did I sign up for this? I could have taken a random 300 level undergraduate class and gotten away with 4 exams and 10 quizzes. Why did I sign up for a 500 level class filled with dedicated people who actually care about the subject?
I guess there is no point arguing with that now. My childhood has conditioned me to strive for a level of excellence I neither care for nor am willing to put in the effort toward. Whats worse is that everything I have done so far is not even noteworthy compared to other people I know, so I don't even feel a sense of achievement. I guess that is fair, no one should give you points just for getting it right. You have to do something extraordinary.
E.X.T.R.A.O.R.D.I.N.A.R.Y.- Escaping.Xeroxed.Typical.Route.Away to.Other.Roads.Demands.Intelligent.Navigation.Away from. Regular.Yearnings.
Right. Get it together, Jones.
Now, I have a perfectly formatted list of 23 references. Working backwards, I should do the conclusion, then expected results, method, design, hypotheses, and literature review.
C.R.A.P.- Cannot.Remember.Anything.Problem.
Focus, focus, focus. I have notes, annotations, abstracts.
Watched Bridget's Jones Diary for a full hour and a half. Very funny.
Took a break from taking a break and made coffee. Hmm, maybe some cereal too, and leftovers from lunch.
Oh my god, I am too full to think straight. My pants are uncomfortable tight. Disturbing.
Weight, 128 lbs. Alcohol units, 0. Caffeine units, 2. Dread level, 100%.
Getting it together. Getting it together. I am the intellectual equivalent of everyone else in this room. My poster of Jim Morrison is not reassuring.
Got into a much more comfortable position. Legs stretched, back straight, hands free to type. Excellent.
S.H.I.T.- Seriously.Hitting.Idiocy.Target
Why did I sign up for this? I could have taken a random 300 level undergraduate class and gotten away with 4 exams and 10 quizzes. Why did I sign up for a 500 level class filled with dedicated people who actually care about the subject?
I guess there is no point arguing with that now. My childhood has conditioned me to strive for a level of excellence I neither care for nor am willing to put in the effort toward. Whats worse is that everything I have done so far is not even noteworthy compared to other people I know, so I don't even feel a sense of achievement. I guess that is fair, no one should give you points just for getting it right. You have to do something extraordinary.
E.X.T.R.A.O.R.D.I.N.A.R.Y.- Escaping.Xeroxed.Typical.Route.Away to.Other.Roads.Demands.Intelligent.Navigation.Away from. Regular.Yearnings.
Right. Get it together, Jones.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Home Stretch
This is it- the final week of my final year. PHEW.
Last week of classes, anyway, and then a week of exams.
I am freaking out like a monkey in a market.
I have so much to do in so little time. The trouble is, I have no idea how to do it. I keep trying to roadmap it in my head- but I keep faltering.
Break it down, prioritize, execute. Simple.
I am off to do that now.
Last week of classes, anyway, and then a week of exams.
I am freaking out like a monkey in a market.
I have so much to do in so little time. The trouble is, I have no idea how to do it. I keep trying to roadmap it in my head- but I keep faltering.
Break it down, prioritize, execute. Simple.
I am off to do that now.
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